We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
