i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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