Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
