i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
