Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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