Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
