Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
