Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
