apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
