I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
