i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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