I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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