it was like his penis was on wheels.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
