So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
