i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize