i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize