I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
