Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
