gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
im holly from the hills drunk
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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