So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
