she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
