Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
