Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
