If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
