I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I love you. Go after that dick
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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