Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
