Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
How naked do you want me to be?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
