I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
