I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
