I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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