I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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