My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
