i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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