Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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