you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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