Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
