You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Actions speak louder than pants.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
