I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
