What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
