im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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