You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
