just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
