i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
