i already hear my dad disowning me
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
