My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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