i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I need water and some morals
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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