Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
