My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
