I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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