i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
