..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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