I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
