i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
