You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
