we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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