You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
