Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
