Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
