your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
