The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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