She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
