i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
babies were throwing up all over the place
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
