I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
