i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
