I love black thongs
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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