He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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