Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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