I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
