I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
