her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
