Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
