Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
